BULLY TO YOU AND BACK

HI! My name is nobody. I am young in years and old in spirit. I go to school here in Saginaw, Michigan. I have long black hair and I am very slender and soft-spoken. I am very shy. I keep hoping to fit in and make friends because I just moved here a year ago. At the other school I went to I was teased and picked on all the time. My mom thought it would be good that we moved since she had lost her job and hoped if we relocated things might be different. But unfortunately things are just the same as they were at my other school.

Nobody seems to like me. I feel very lonely and isolated. When I go to school I just seem to crawl within myself and try to make it through the day. Sometimes when I go to school, I sometimes get lost in thought and try to figure out what is it that is wrong with me. Why is everyone picking on me? I feel like a walking target in school. I walk as fast as I can to get to my other classes and try to avoid the ones who love to torment me.

Maybe they don’t like me because I am smart. That’s what the other kids say to me. You think you are so smart don’t you? I just stand there and feel exposed and vulnerable. What can I say to this? I just freeze up and try to get away as soon as possible.

I feel sad a lot because every day I try and try to fit in. But I never will I am too different. The other kids say I am weird and say hurtful things about me and my mom. They don’t even know the real me because I am never given a chance and they don’t know anything about my mom.

I think today I will tell my mom what is going on at school. I hate to do it because she works so hard and comes home exhausted. Why can’t I fit in anywhere? I just have to tell mom because I am having a hard time at school. My mom always tells me that I have to study hard so I can go to college and get a good job. I am trying so hard to do what my mom is telling me but it is very difficult to study because I am so sad all the time.

Before I could tell my mom what was going on at school I met a lady whose name is Felicia. There she was at my school volunteering and one day she looked up and saw me. In her eyes I saw love and understanding. Why I wondered would a stranger look at me as if she was seeing the real me and accepted what she saw. I felt a warmth feel me from within out.

Why did Felicia seem so strange? She was patient and impatient. She seemed to always be bustling around on a mission with adults she was very cool and watchful. But with children I could see the love flowing from her eyes to every child within her sight. This reminded me of a bible story I saw about Jesus that said forbid not the children to come unto him that we all must be like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven. I guess that is why she befriended me because I seemed to be so lost within myself.

When I first met her she introduced herself as Felicia and told me that all her family called her Licia. She looked at me with eyes that seemed wise beyond their years and asked what was wrong. At first, I said nothing was wrong. But, she continued to look at me with so much empathy and compassion that I broke down and begin to cry. She gently touched my shoulder and said “hush little one” all is not as bad as it seems. In time the love of Jesus will heal all hurts and cushion and protect you from those who try to treat you badly.

I stopped crying and looked at her with wonder in my eyes. Who was she? No one had never told me anything like this. I am ashamed to say that we did not go to church and I had never thought of praying or gave a thought to God or Jesus. I said to myself how can this be so and I asked her this.

She replied and told me that at one time she did not have faith that was strong enough or felt that she did not pray enough. Many thought she was an unbeliever, but she knew otherwise because when she was teased and bullied she knew that God carried her through and gave her the knowledge and strength to carry on even if she has to go alone. She went on and told me “little one” know this that God created us equal in his sight and that he alone will be the one to judge and all we have to do is have faith in him. So child if someone is trying to hurt you and make you feel unworthy of God’s love than know this only God can raise you to heaven and protect from all. Sit down with your mom and tell her what is going on.

I sat there and hung my head and sighed. Why do I feel like Felicia as if I had seen it all and felt it all when I am so young in years. I lifted my head and breathed loudly. I told Felicia I am going to tell my mom what is happening. After talking with this stranger, I felt myself feeling better than I had in a long time. If a stranger could look at me and see my pain and talk to me with so much love than I know that I will be alright and I know something else now. I have faith in God now that he will protect me.

Thank god someone took time and took a second look and saw my hurt and pushed me in the right direction. I know that mom loves me and that she will help me get any help I need. Now, I feel a smile starting from the inside out. I know that there is love in the world and that I will be accepted for who I am. So forgive me bully but I accept no more.

By

Felicia McCaw